During a business trip to Minnesota myself and two colleagues decided to dine at the “Mall of America”. Attending this meal was my VP of Business Development, “Alan” and a computer systems engineer, “Matt”. The engineer could best be described as “the last living 30 year old virgin in Manhattan”. His efforts to find a woman, any woman, included Match.com, JDate, eHarmony and any other site he could find on the Internet. It seems actually talking to a woman was not high on his list of strategies. We decided to eat at one of the Ruby Tuesday within this vast monument to materialism. We sat down and started to discuss Matt’s dating woes. A very nice, very blonde, very cute, and perhaps very available waitress greeted us. She had the Heidi Minnesota look with two long pigtails and a waitress uniform that was just a size or two too small. After she took our drink orders, Alan and I shared a knowing glance that silently said, “Let’s make this happen for Matt”.
Facsmile of "Lisa"
When she returned we discovered that Heidi’s real name was Lisa. Alan and I started to adlib a line of coordinated BS that was at least creative. We told Lisa that the three of us were producers for a new MTV reality show (apologies to my colleagues who actually work at MTV for this one!) We told her that we were scouting talent for a series that will be based in, Minneapolis, and that she had the look we were looking for. (In Matt’s case, she was breathing…) We listened intently to her dreams of being an actress and a singer. How she was working her way through college, etc, etc. blah, blah, blah. We continued this line of discussion through the appetizers and main course. She would stop and talk to us for several minutes each time. The line had been cast and she was about to be brought aboard. All three of us were booked to fly back to New York the next morning. With the optimism that our ruse was going to pay off, I stepped away from the table and changed Matt’s travel arrangements. He would stay an extra day to work on some “Java architecture work”. When I got back to the table, Matt was making excuses that he would never be able to really see her since he was leaving early the next morning. With a big smile I told him he “had” to stay an extra day….the client insists.” (A quick note: I am not proud of this episode or my collusion in this obvious deception. It just seemed like we were helping out a buddy in need) And now the dessert course…
Scene of the Crime
We told Lisa that Alan and I had to leave the next morning. Since she is so familiar with the local area, maybe she could show our associate producer, Matt, around town and help him scout out locations. She eagerly agreed. Phone numbers, and Matt’s hotel room number were exchanged and a very generous tip was left. We had also determined that she got off from work at 11:30 pm and that she would call in sick tomorrow. On the short ride back to out hotel we gave Matt the following advise. When you get together with Lisa, say very little. Do not talk about Java programming and Computer Server architecture. If you fake laryngitis, all the better. If you say nothing, there is a very good chance that your Long wait will be over. With those words, Alan and I felt our humanitarian work was complete. We retired to our hotel rooms for the evening.
Next Week : Volume 6: The Chronicles of Heidi …at the Mall of America – Part 2 – The Conclusion
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